Forever Broken
by vampyre in hiding
Summary: Unrequited, very dark Pezberry. Rachel kills herself and Santana can't deal with the loss...bad summary, but please give it a shot...rated M only because of death/suicide angst/tragedy/romance...


Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or the song.

I know I should be writing on my other story, but I was listening to this song and the idea just kinda popped into my head.

Enjoy. Let this be stated now that this is nothing like anything else I've written…EVER!

Warning: Deals with suicide and character deaths. Extremely dark.

_**Words like this are the song**_

_Words like this are flashbacks_

_**Playground School bell rings again**_

Santana Lopez passed by the elementary playground on her drive home from the school, after having had to give the hardest news of her life, her eyes full of unshed tears as she watches the children run around, screaming and playing, without any fears or doubts; without the restrictions of popularity. She pulls her car to the side of the road, the tears she tried so hard to keep in overflowing from her dark brown, pain-filled eyes as she reminisces of her lost love.

_A five-year old Santana sat on the swings, her shoulder length brown hair falling in her eyes as she rocks back and forth, alone. "Hey, freak," a five-year old David Karofsky shouted at Santana, making her flinch and look up at him as he and his crew make their way over to her, "this is my swing." He pushes the girl out of the swing, making her fall backwards on her back and hands as she tries to catch herself. _

_She looks up at him, tears running down her tanned face, causing Karofsky to laugh loudly. "Look, guys, the little Mexican baby is crying," he torments her, kicking up the dirt from the ground in her direction. "Leave her alone, you over-sized, obnoxious brute!" a tiny voice calls out from behind the boys, earning four simultaneous groans of annoyance. "Man, its Berry. We better get away from her before we get stuck listening to her," Azimio says quietly. The other boys nod and take off running away from the still-crying girl and the small diva._

_The smaller girl walks over to Santana and kneels in front of her, her bright, brown eyes raking over the crying Latina in concern. "Are you alright?" she asks Santana, grabbing her cut-up, bloody hands and inspecting them. "No," Santana says weakly in return, making the other girl frown in sympathy. "How about we go get you cleaned up then?" the girl suggests, standing up and extending one of her hands out for the girl to take. Santana slips her one of her bloody hands into the girl's and pulls herself up. They start walking over to where the all teachers were sitting, watching the kids; the two girls their hands never once unclasping. "I'm Rachel Berry, by the way," the small girl introduces herself, a 100-watt smile on her face. "I'm Santana."_

_**Rain clouds come to play again**_

Santana sits in her car, watching the children scramble to get inside as the rain beats down hard outside, splattering hard onto the ground and car windshield.

_An eight-year old Santana and Rachel walk to school from the bus-stop together; their hands clasped together, a usual thing for the two brunettes. "I can't believe it's the beginning of school again, it feels like summer just started, and now we're stuck back here," Santana whines to Rachel, making the girl beside her giggle. "Santana, you knew school was going to start up again at some point," Rachel says to the pouting girl. "I was hoping the school would catch on fire," Santana says, a serious tone in her voice. Rachel stares at her best friend for a moment before busting out into laughter, her cheeks turning bright red._

_Santana watches her friend with a wide smile, her heart fluttering in her chest, confusing her slightly. 'Why does it feel like there's butterflies in my stomach?' she wonders, her thoughts surprising her. "You truly are something else, San," Rachel says, pulling Santana from her thoughts. Santana opens her mouth to make a retort, but has water splash into her mouth and on her head before the words leave her. "Come on, it's raining," Rachel says, tugging the on the Latina's hand, pulling her with her as they run the rest of the way to school._

_Standing on the front steps of the school, Santana shakes her hair out, splashing water onto the already-soaking Rachel. "You look like a dog," Rachel jokes, making Santana stick her tongue out. "And you look like a wet cat," Santana replies, making Rachel look down at her fuzzy, clingy sweatshirt. The brunettes look at each other and say at the same time, "We both look horrible."_

_As the girls grew older, they grew apart as Rachel became obsessed with becoming a Broadway star and Santana became close friends with Quinn and Brittany. At fifteen, Santana, Quinn and Brittany became Cheerios, promptly ending Santana and Rachel's friendship, when Rachel said she'd changed because of the other two girls. Rachel walks away from her, never once looking back, becoming enthralled with Finn Hudson._

_Santana walks with Quinn, noting every move Rachel makes as they pass her. 'Why do I still care?'_

'_Because you love her,' a voice in her mind replies, making the Latina laugh silently._

'_I'm Santana fuckin' Lopez, I don't love anyone.'_

'_Yes you do, you've always loved her.'_

_ 'So what if I do? She's become obsessed with Broadway and Finnocence,' Santana bitterly thinks, glancing down the hall to watch Rachel shamelessly flirt with the man-child. She grabs a slushy from one of the jocks beside her and walks over to the diva, throwing it in her face. That started the slushy-facial._

_**Has no one told you she's not breathing?**_

Santana begins beating her head into her steering wheel, her sobbing becoming loud and pained as she remembers what happened yesterday.

_ Santana sits in the school parking lot, her mind racing on what to do, 'Do I go see Rachel and apologize? Do I tell her why I tormented her so much? Yes, I'm coming clean to her, she deserves honesty, including why I slept with Finn,' she decides, starting the engine of her car and driving over to the diva's home. It was the least she could do for blurting out about taking Finn's virginity _

_ She drives to the two-story house and parks her car on the curb, getting out and locking the car. She walks to the front door and knocks, only to find it ajar. Becoming slightly worried, she pushes the door all the way open, "Rachel?" she calls, listening for any noise. She doesn't here a reply, so she rushes upstairs to the diva's bedroom; knowing the girl for eleven years sure did have some perks. _

_ She pushes the star-covered door open and screams. Rachel was lying on her bed, blood dripping down from her position on the bed onto the floor, coating the carpet under the bed a sickly red color. The young diva had a gun clutched tightly in her right hand, a bullet wound in her chest. She races over to the girl's side and checks the girl's pulse, only to find none. She pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket and calls 911, giving them the Berry's residence number. She tries reviving the diva, though nothing works, making her cry out in regret and sorrow. She holds the cooling body of the girl until the ambulance arrives._

_ The ambulance and medics pull up in front of the home and rush inside, heading up the stairs and finding the two girls. They check her pulse and try doing what they can to revive the dead girl. "I'm sorry," one of the paramedics say to Santana, placing his hand on her shoulder, "she's gone." The two medics determine it's a suicide and smile sadly at the hysterical Latina, who had yet to release the dead girl in her arms. "Are you family?" the same man asks, earning a shake of the head. "N-no, we were friends a f-few years ago, and I ne-eded to tell her how sorry I was," she cries, slipping away from Rachel's body. "I need to call her fathers," Santana says emotionlessly, walking out of the room and into the living room._

_ She dials the phone number she knew all-too-well, listening to the ring. "Hello?" the gruff voice of Leroy Berry rings out. "Mr. Berry," the Latina replies, making Leroy laugh in surprise. "Santana Lopez, what do I owe the pleasure?"_

_ "You and Hiram need to come home," she says, her tone scaring Leroy instantly._

"_What's wrong?"_

_ "Rachel's dead," she says, sobbing into the phone and making Leroy cry. "Tell me you're lying," he begs, making Santana cry harder._

_**Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to**_

_**Hello**_

The funeral was the next Saturday, with the entire glee club present, along with the teachers, some jocks and Cheerios, Ms. Pillsbury, Rachel's fathers and even Coach Sylvester. Everyone there, including Quinn and Sue, were shedding tears for the dead girl. "Rachel Berry was an amazing singer, person, friend, even when we didn't deserve it, and her death will always be the faults of all of us who tormented, used, or simply stood on the sidelines as we watched this…this angel fall," Santana says, standing up at the pulpit.

After the burial of the girl, Leroy and Hiram walk over to Santana, who still stood at the gravesite of Rachel. "Santana," Hiram says softly as he walks to the girl's side and gathers her in his arms, "Not all of this falls on your shoulders."

"Yes it is," she cries, clinging to the man that was like her father, "if I hadn't…" she trails off, sobs racking her body, cutting off her crying. Hiram lowers himself and Santana to the muddy ground, his tears falling with hers.

_**If I smile and don't believe**_

_**Soon I know I'll wake from this dream**_

Santana leaves the gravesite an hour after the Berry's, a cold, hard look in her once soft eyes. She walks to her home, the icy-wind whipping around her, though the sting doesn't register in her numbed mind. 'This is all a dream,' she continues to repeat in her mind, her steps muted as she ignores her parents and walks to her room. She shuts her bedroom door and turns her computer on, running through the motions she always did, though it seemed like she didn't even realize it was happening.

She opens her e-mail, her eyes widening in shock as she notices a message from Rachel, dating back to the day of her suicide. She clicks on it, which links her to a video. She presses play and let's tears fall as she watches a worn-Rachel looking at the video camera. "By the time you see this, I'm hoping I'll be dead. I just want you to know, that I don't blame any of this on you, San. I blame it on popularity and all those others that made my life hell, but I want you to know I love you, so much that it hurts. You'll be the only regret I have for killing myself, and I know you don't love me, but please don't forget our friendship. I'm sorry, te amo, San," Rachel says, flipping the camera off.

_**Don't try to fix me I'm not broke**_

_**Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide**_

_**Hello**_

Santana went to school that next week, her bitch attitude worse than usual. She snapped at everyone, including the teachers, earning herself detentions almost every day. She would sit in glee with a fake smile painted on her lips and only mouthing the words to the songs, never actually using her voice. It was all she could do to keep from crying when she realized she'd never hear Rachel's voice again. Finn had quit after the death of the tiny diva, and Mercedes didn't have as much soul in her as she use to.

Brittany and Quinn had quit Cheerios with her, deciding that they could never be the cause of something like this again. Santana could only smile sadly in her thanks when Sue said she understood. Both blondes had tried helping the Latina get over her depression, but all they did was make it worse. She knew she'd never feel whole again, not without the tiny loudmouth she loved so deeply.

_**Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping**_

_**Hello I'm still here**_

_**All that's left of yesterday**_

Santana had given up on trying to sleep, having replayed the video on her computer countless times, she realized she had one solution. She silently crept from her room and into the kitchen, grabbing a thin, sharp knife and walking back to her room. She stopped at her little brother's room and opened his door quietly, walking over to him and kissing the top of his head. "I love you," she whispered to him, making him smile and snuggle more into his bed.

She walks out of the room and into hers, the knife still firmly clutched in her as she sits on her bed. She grabs a piece of paper from her nightstand and jots down her goodbye note before laying it beside her on the bed. She takes the knife and twirls it in her hand before dragging it over her wrist, not even noticing the sting of the sharp metal. She switches hands and runs the blade over her other wrist, then pulling her shirt away from her skin and plunging it into her toned-stomach, making the dizziness overwhelming.

In the morning, her mother will find her sixteen year old daughter dead, a knife in her stomach, and a note beside her that read only one sentence: She was my life; without her I am no one, only a shell of a five-year old girl, shoved in the dirt. On her tombstone the only thing written will be: Life on Earth without her is my personal hell.

Okay, so this was really dark, but I promise to get back into my other story…hope you enjoyed it. Review…please


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